If you've typed some version of that question into Google at 1am, alone, panicking a little — welcome. You're in the right place, and you're far from the only one asking.
So your dick doesn't work. So what?
Well — it can feel like a big deal. When we don't perform well sexually, it can feel emasculating. We can feel like we're disappointing our partner, like we're less of a man. And that starts a shame spiral that leaves us frustrated, angry, depressed — all the negatives.
I mean, this is what I've heard, of course.
I'm kidding. The reality is, I've dealt with ED myself, and so have most men. Research from Johns Hopkins has found that erectile dysfunction becomes significantly more common starting around age 40, with the numbers climbing steadily from there as men get older. If you're dealing with it, you are nowhere near alone — you're just the guy who doesn't talk about it, same as everyone else who doesn't talk about it.
And while it doesn't feel great, it's also very treatable. Sometimes there's something physical going on. But often, what actually helps is talking to someone objective about what's happening — because keeping it to yourself and trying to white-knuckle your way through it is probably the surest way to keep it happening.
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and relaxing. If you're approaching it from a place of fear, all you're doing is feeding a cycle of stress and frustration that makes the problem worse, not better.
And trying not to think about it? Good luck with that. If I told you not to think about a gorilla in a bikini — what are you thinking about right now?
Now, assuming that didn't fix your ED…
I'm Ethan Furman, an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who works with men on exactly this kind of thing — the stuff that's uncomfortable to bring up anywhere else. If this sounds familiar, reach out for a free 20-minute consult. Let's get your boy back in action.
And hey — if the gorilla did cure your ED…we should probably talk anyway.
